Will I Be An Alcoholic? What Leads To Alcoholism And Addiction? Can Trauma Lead To Becoming An Alcoholic?

 Does the past lead to addiction?  Will I become an alcoholic or addict?  How uncovering my past trauma helped me understand and recover from my alcoholism

 

These questions are so common and I do not believe there is anything wrong with asking them.  I can only speak for myself and my personal experience, but every story I have heard from countless alcoholics and addicts all have similarities to each other.  The substance is not important.  The length of time using is not important.  The amount used is not important.  Some people like to obsess over their “drunk-a-logs” and focus on the amounts, the situations, the arrests, the crazy happenings, and that is all well and good in the right context and with the right intention.

I know where I was.  I know what I have done.  I also know that I cannot go back and change the past, nor would I wish to.  Without my past choices, I would not be the person I am today and I love this person more and more as time passes.  I am amazing.  I am worthy of a great life.  I have so much to offer others.  I have talents to share.  I have support and care I show to the world on a daily basis.  I am worth it.  I focus instead on the future and how I am living life in a positive and productive way today.  What I have done is simply that, events.  They are not who I am nor do those choices define who I am.   I try to focus on the cause and the solution.  The cause tells me what led me to where I was and helps me to prevent going down that path again.  The solution allows me to continue to live in sobriety and grow in my recovery.

With that being said, will someone become an alcoholic??  Are there any signs or symptoms or checklists to warn us ahead of time??  Speaking for myself and looking back to my 3-year-old self, I had an alcoholic mind before I ever knew what liquor was.  “Self will run riot” is talked about in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous many times and I absolutely had “self-will run riot” from the time I was born.  As far back as I can remember I was a liar.  I do not know why, but I was.  I was a story-teller and part of my lying was creativity and the longing to use my imagination to entertain others, but as time went on my lying became more about how it could benefit me.  It became a game.  I was challenged to see if I could convince others of anything that I decided I wanted them to believe.  I was very good at this and it gave me much pleasure, but it did not make me an alcoholic.  My inability to deal with life on life’s terms, my “self-will run riot”, and my selfish, self-centered mindset qualified me as an alcoholic.  I was restless and discontent.  I could not differentiate true from false.  I lived in my own world of obsession and spiritual malady.

I was an alcoholic long before I ever took the first drink and honestly the substance could have been anything.  Fortunately for me, I was never interested in drugs and never dabbled with them.  Each person is different and similar and when dealing with alcoholism and recovery I always try to look at the similarities in stories and not the differences.

My alcoholism took 10 years to form and it was little by little, but the drinking was a tool I used to try to heal the pain and suffering that had developed from traumatic events I suffered when I was in my childhood.  It was not until January of this year, after requesting permission and furlough from the judge to attend a treatment program, did I discover/uncover this catalyst even existed.  I had made no correlation between the sexual and psychological assault I had endured as a teen and the severe and paralyzing depression and anxiety I was using alcohol to cover.

For myself, the severe trauma of this type of daily abuse is directly related to my psychological and emotional suffering which resulted in alcoholism rearing its head in my life.  How I wish I would have known how to deal with these feelings.  How I wish anyone else, my parents, teachers, counselors would have stepped in and realized the severity of abuse and the seriousness of healing and processing that needed to take place long ago.  That was not the case and as a result I have found myself and am so thankful to know who I am.

I do believe there are events we can experience that absolutely lead to problems within ourselves and the desire or need to self medicate to find relief from those feelings.  This is part of my story for sure.  Alcohol was a small piece of the pie.  The larger problem was why I had turned to alcohol.  I used alcohol to quiet the negative thoughts in my mind that had been planted when I was 11 and then again when I was 13 and 14 years old.  

The self medication worked for a while until I could no longer drink enough to stop the negative thoughts.  Intrusive thoughts are killers.  I was convinced I was worthless and if I was worthless I should spare my family my existence.  The horrible people who haunted me in my younger years and pushed me to the brink of suicide back then had now manifested as these internal thoughts I could not get rid of.

I absolutely believe that abuse can lead to addiction problems, but it doesn’t mean it always will.  I think it is so important to put a stop to abuse as soon as possible and if it does occur, treatment and therapy should be sought to process the pain and gather the constructive tools you need to continue on through the rest of your life.  I had never developed any tools to deal with these issues and although it took some years, the trauma began to surface until it had completely taken over my body and mind.  I have finally had the opportunity to address and confront these events from my past and process them.  I have finally been in a place of willingness and open-mindedness to adapt some tools and learn how to use them effectively when coping with situations in life.  I am so happy to be an alcoholic and to have been put in a position I could finally see the forest for the trees and grab ahold of the chance to get help.  In the end it was still my choice and is always the choice each person has.

I urge anyone who has suffered any type of abuse, traumatic experience, or anything so severe to seek help in learning how to effectively accept the events, process what has happened, and develop the tools needed to move through life despite the circumstances.  I will no longer let those very sick people from my past control my life.  I will no longer let anyone in my present or my future have that kind of power over me.  I have found my worth through recovery and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I have learned acceptance, forgiveness, patience, healing, and how to help others.

I have chosen the gift of a new life and anyone who wants to be a part of it may join, but there is no room for sick, negative, evil people anymore.  Evil people try to control others using fear and I will no longer allow anyone to have that kind of power over me.  I have found my courage again and I do not fear anymore.  My faith has grown through working the 12 Steps of this program, talking with other alcoholics and addicts, living in gratitude daily, and finding a power greater than myself I can understand.

“When I am willing to do the right thing, I am rewarded with an inner peace no amount of liquor could ever provide.  When I am unwilling to do the right thing, I become restless, irritable, and discontent.  It is always my choice.  Through the Twelve Steps, I have been granted the gift of choice.  I am no longer at the mercy of a disease that tells me the only answer is to drink.  If willingness is the key to unlock the gates of hell, it is action that opens those doors so that we may walk freely among the living.”  Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous Pg. 317

 

What Is Humility? 11 Ways Alcoholics Anonymous Has Taught Me To Be Humble And Live In Humility

 

The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion. – Paolo Coelho  How can I practice and live in humility on a day to day basis?


 

Instead of asking why me, have I asked myself why not me?  Humility comes to mind.  The thing I have had to learn about humility is that I can’t just say “I’m going to be humble today” and leave it at that.  “I’m going to be humble because this program of AA says I need to be humble.”  Humility is a state of being that occurs as a result of living outside of myself.  Humility is a by product, not a product.  It is not something I can just choose to be.  It manifests itself as a result of how I choose to behave, the choices and decisions I have made and how I act on those in my day to day life.

One of the greatest places, nobody ever talks about, in reference to humility is in the Big Book.  Right there on page 63 in the third step it says “we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs.  More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life.”    This is one of the best definitions of manifesting humility I can think of.  I am so grateful for what Alcoholics Anonymous has given me, this way of life, and it all comes back to how I feel on the inside today.  Because I am okay today and okay is good enough.  It really is.

I will do what I need to do and I will be who I need to be.  Every morning when I wake up and have a morning meditation, one of the affirmations; the main affirmation i have been using is me reflecting on who am I willing to be today, what am I willing to do today in order to be the person I am committed to be today.  Because that is what this whole sobriety and program of AA is about for me.

If you want to know how to stay sober, you want to know how to get that life you love, you want to know how the promises will start manifesting in your life?  It is about learning how to show up in life and be that person.  It is living life from the inside out not from the outside in.  It is never about what is going on, it it always about who am I going to be in the face of what is going on.

 

Since coming into these rooms and turning a corner and going through the processes outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the thing I can tell you is there is nothing that has happened in my life that has overwhelmed me, nothing has occurred that has put me over the edge.  I know several people in this program who have lost children to suicide, to overdose, they have sat with their dying parents.  They have lost jobs, gone through divorce, lost their homes, they have experienced everything you can experience and they walked through it, they stayed sober, and went on living.

An older gentlemen working at a treatment center I was able to visit told me, “If I had to try not to drink today I would be out there with a big bag of cocaine and a big bottle of tequila or scotch or something.  This program, AA, is not about that.  This deal is not about trying not to drink.  This deal is about becoming a person through that process who is relieved of maladies of the spirit and is truly willing to embrace the amazing role set aside for them.

 

There is a catch we read about on page 72 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.  It warns us that through that process, it is the one or two things that I hold onto, that I won’t give up, I won’t share with another human being, and there by refuse to bring God/Higher Power into the picture.  “If we skip this vital step we may not overcome drinking.  Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives.  Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to other methods.  Almost invariably they got drunk.”

You can write 18 pages of crap (during step 5) and it’s the half page you didn’t write that makes you a  bigger liar, a bigger cheat, and a bigger thief than you ever were.  The worst thing I believe someone can do is to complete a fourth step and a fifth step and omit something.  According to the way this program is laid out, when I take that third step I have just made an agreement with a higher power.

I have committed myself to this open and honest relationship and I cannot start out with dishonesty from the get go and throw it in the face of the entity.  I have seen it several times over this last half of a year and have heard others speak of the importance many times.  The results are not good, if you do not truly honor this agreement and lay everything out on the table to seek true redemption from and through that and working with and for others, humility.

Here are 11 different ways I have learned to practice and live in humility.

  1.  Avoid curiosity.
  2. Accept small irritations with good humor.
  3. Speak as little as possible about myself.
  4. Give in to the will of others.
  5. Accept insults and injuries.
  6. Keep busy with my own affairs and not those of others.
  7. Be courteous and delicate even when provoked by someone.
  8. Do not interfere in the affairs of others.
  9. Accept contempt, being forgotten, and disregarded.
  10. Do not dwell on the faults of others.
  11. Accept censures even if unmerited.

Does Alcoholics Anonymous Really Work For Long Term? Can I Recover After A Relapse With Alcoholism Or Addiction?

How one man was able to recommit to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous after a relapse and find a new recovery and life of sobriety again.

 

 

One day I was sitting on the patio and man I was really, really feeling bad. I remembered that I was just starting to feel good in my recovery before I let the outside world get the better of me and went back out. I stayed out for a few weeks and just realized I didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole again and I came back through the doors of AA. That was the most productive thing I ever did in my life.

It was the first day of a new life for me. It is never too late. This program really teaches you that you are somebody. This program is a we program and that is why everyone shows up at these tables, at these halls, at these churches or shacks, or wherever you can hold a meeting.

Some of us have short periods of time and some of us have long periods of time, but if we keep coming back and helping the new people it helps us with some sober time too. After we find that we are somebody, it is a feeling, a self-confidence that can carry us through from one day to another, to the next day, to the next week. Before you know it has been years and you’re still going.

I remember when I came back in. I had been coming around since before 2006 and it was good for a while, but after some time I realized there was not a connection in my recovery somewhere. I wish I could have figured myself out then and figured out what it was that was missing, but I just couldn’t. I had so much resentment I was still carrying from years before and now I was piling on new resentment everyday.

 

I am grateful today that I understand those defects of character, those faults that kept me out. I forgot how to listen. I spent all my time talking and talking and talking about something I didn’t really have. I have heard many other people say “you can’t give away what you don’t have” and they are so right on the money with that phrase. I had some sober time and it really wasn’t quality. I had quit drinking, but I had not really looked at myself in the mirror honestly and done any changing whatsoever.

All of the reasons I started drinking n the first place, the resentments, the anger, the self-pity, were still there and now they had grown into something monstrous inside me I couldn’t ignore or control anymore. I had been so quick to rush through the first few steps and really just skipped right on down to the last few without doing the work I needed to do in the middle.

I found out, after having a relapse, that the middle part was where I missed the entire point of the Alcoholics Anonymous program. I had not really looked at what part I had played in all of my misery and misfortunes. I had really just blamed everyone else for my sorrows and my failures. Where was I in all of it? What part did I play? What joy and time had I stolen from my wife, my children, my family and friends?

I am so grateful I did make it back through the doors of AA. So many others I have known over the years have not. I do not take my sobriety or this program of recovery lightly in any way. I might laugh and joke from time to time about alcoholism and being a drunk and the silly, stupid, insane things I did and still do, but it is a matter of life and death for me when you get right down to it.

 

This program saved my life and I am beyond blessed to be a member of this worldwide organization where I have a friend no matter how far from Chicago I travel. I would never be this far and my sobriety date, my renewed sobriety date is coming up on June 30th, 2014. I make sure to connect with my sponsor almost every day and I come to a meeting almost every day too. I realize now that when I stopped coming to meetings often and stopped calling and talking with my sponsor, I eventually stopped worrying about not drinking and then as soon as something in my life went haywire – there I was completely drunk again.

 

I had stayed sober for 8 years and then let my own cockiness and an argument with a few other people in an AA hall about outside issues get me riled up so much that I used it as an excuse to stop coming to meetings. I was sober, I had been sober, I forgot that I really needed

the hand of Alcoholics Anonymous and talking things through and hearing from other alcoholics and addicts how to stay sober.

I never lost anything that I had learned in and out of the halls and I always had my Big Book and some other materials like As Bill Sees It to read at home, but I didn’t. I was so angry with other people over something so unrelated and then I was angry at myself and too embarrassed to show my face around those people and admit that I had lost my temper.

I was a fool. I could have gone to any number of halls in the area, but I chose to sit and stew, alone, until I finally did go right back to my selfish, self-centered ways and once I picked up that first drink it was off to the races again for this old drunk.

My advice to anyone who is just starting out in recovery and alcoholism and those that have a lot of sober time is this, don’t get too confident in the years you have under your belt because that date can change in an instant if you don’t stay vigilant and remember how close we all are to falling off of the sober mountain. I slid right back down further than I had been before. It is true. It does not get better; it only gets tougher and harder to climb back up.

 

I was fortunate that I hadn’t run anyone off and when I came back into my home group, I was embarrassed and nervous, but welcomed with open arms and have been ever since.

 

 

How Can I Change My Life ? How Do I Have The Psychic Change ?

Where is the Hope?  –  A Psychic Change is Truly Required in Order to Have a New Outlook and A New Hope for Life to be Different for an Addict or an Alcoholic.

For many years I felt and believed that trick that my head always told me.  “It was going to be different this time”.  “I’m going to be able to drink like a normal person”.  Once I put that crap in my body I always, always, went on some sort of spree coming out on the other side with nothing but disaster and more problems.  Not everyone’s stories are the same, some will be similar and I always look for the similarities when relating to other alcoholics.

Another alcoholic shared a bit of his story with me recently and although his experiences are different from my own, the mental obsession, the thoughts, ideas, the feelings, the turmoil is very much the same.  He too felt the trick his mind tried to play on him.  He came out on the other side usually with felonies when he drank and used drugs.

Over time, after 5 DUI’s, a few years in prison, then another trip was how it went for him.  He couldn’t hold a job, couldn’t support his family, lost everything worthwhile in his life over and over and over again, because he kept thinking he could drink and drug like a normal person.

“It was so incredibly elusive.  It would simply sneak up me every time”.  The program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Big Book tells us the only way we can recover is through experiencing a “psychic change” and the only way to get that is to work in the 12 steps.  When he finally chose to do that, his life changed more than he could describe.  Today he is successful, married, a father, but he had to fix the problem in his psyche, in his mind, in his heart.

The way he thought and felt about himself had plagued him for so many years and was truly his demise.  “I was full of resentment, anger, grief, shame, and guilt.  I had to get it out, so God could come in”.

I can truly relate to those feelings of worthlessness, of shame, of resentment.  My low self-esteem had bottomed out to the point it didn’t exist anymore.  I had no coping skills to speak of and my “toolbox” was full of the wrong tools I needed to

work on this “machine” that was my mind, body, and soul.  The struggle was so exhausting because while I had lost all care for myself and carried no self-worth, my ego and pride had grown to enormous proportions.  I could not ask for help, because that would be admitting I had failed and could not solve my problems – problems I still fully could not admit I had.  I was aware of these ideas and how ludicrous they were, but simply could not figure out how to remove the wet blanket from around me.

I believe all of us have these similarities to our stories and because of the other alcoholics who have shared with me around the rooms and tables of A.A., I no longer feel alone.  Someone once gave me an empty box of darkness and I have come to understand and treasure that gift.  I needed it to be empty so I could fill it with me, my truth, my good qualities, my contributions, the goodness of my heart.  It contains my sobriety and the pieces and tools I need for my lifelong recovery.

The chaos in my life and my unnerving domestic situation just did not allow for any type of growth or recovery or sobriety of any kind.  Changes, big changes, had to occur for my story to turn around and for me to experience all of the blessings I am truly grateful for everyday.  The chaos had been nothing more than a distraction for myself and others so the real, true problems could not be seen.  Finding yourself alone and in jail can have a great humbling effect if you choose it to.  It was only through removing, giving everything in my life away, and experiencing some truly horrific events, that I was able to experience a psychic change and choose life.

Now I am hope.  I feel hope in all those around me.  I choose hope very morning when I wake and carry it with me throughout the day.  If I feel the need to refuel, I know I can go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, call my sponsor, speak with another alcoholic and find it in their words, their comfort, their compassion and understanding.  I fill my internal jar of hope by staying out of my selfish, self-centeredness ways and doing for others.  Gratitude reminds me to be humble and that I offer so much help just by sharing my story and putting others first instead of myself.

My sobriety has a price tag just like every other person living.  All lessons have a cost.  I am grateful my recovery did not cost my life, but it did require vast sacrifices and still might in the future.  The unknown will always be to “what lengths” I will have to be willing to go to in order to stay recovered from the grips of alcoholism.  I am forever grateful to be the person I am today and to stand on my feet so proud to know I am an alcoholic and committed to my recovery and helping others to recover.  I could have never imagined my life would be so full of joy and happiness.  I embrace everyday and have received nothing but wonder and serenity in return.

What can I read about AA and addiction? Where to start if you feel lost in recovery.

 

Big Book – A new freedom and a new happiness

Here you will find several titles including the “Big Book” and the “12 & 12”.  While these two titles are the most popular, there exist several other great guides, historical books, biographies, and supplemental guides to help you understand the program of AA better and to assist you in your own sobriety and recovery or the recovery of another.

I will also be adding some great links to audio material if you are not a reader or have difficulty visually.  I encourage you to at least pick up some recovery and sobriety material.  My mother was able to email me the first 164 pages of the “Big Book” while I was in jail so I could begin to read and it brought me a hope that was otherwise unavailable in the county jail I vacationed at.

I am amazed at the number of titles that do exist and I applaud all of the authors who take the time to contribute, organize, interview, assess, and wrap everything up for us in great informational sobriety booster shots.  I have not read through every title listed here, but am working my way through one day at a time.

What is your favorite book to read about recovery?  Is there a specific author or title that provides you with hope and inspiration in your recovery?  Please comment below or email me at getsoberbiatch@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why do alcoholics need AA meetings?

This is a question I have heard often from those who have not had the experience, fortunately, of being an alcoholic or addict.  Simply put, there is no way to explain alcoholism to a “normal” person because they just haven’t been where we have been, done the things we have done, and felt the way we have felt.

I am proud to have a wonderful home group and equally enjoy visiting other AA groups wherever I am.  I am truly grateful for the support, stories, laughter, and love I have received within the walls of the halls of AA.  “Keep coming back, it works if work it” is nothing to be taken lightly and is a true as anything could be said.

There are so many reasons to keep going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings throughout the course of your recovery. Here are just a few reasons to stay involved in the 12-step community, in no particular order.

  • Most of us lived in isolation, chosen or not and you would never want a newcomer to show up to a darkened room or a locked door.

The first meeting really is the most important.  Try and remember your very first meeting, or just before that meeting – baffled, frightened, angry, desperate, lonely, hopeless, confused, and yet somehow sitting within seconds and inches from where willingness and clarity met. And you walked into that room – perhaps after a couple of drive-by or walk-by passes to check it out. There were all these people, some ignoring you, some reaching out to you, but almost all looking a little happier than you felt and a little more comfortable in their skin than you ever dreamed possible.

…you felt a moment’s safety, and like perhaps you could exhale, and that maybe you weren’t alone.-JAY WESTBROOK

You sat through the meeting, and whether your initial reaction was “oh my God, I’m home,” or “what a bunch of losers,” or “this’ll never work for me,” or “this makes no sense,” you felt a moment’s safety, and like perhaps you could exhale, and that maybe you weren’t alone.

Now imagine going to that same first meeting and the room being dark and nobody being there. How different would your experience have been? Would you have called to see where another meeting was, or just returned to your home and your disease?

If people showed up at your first meeting, you get to repay that debt by continuing to show up at meetings so another newcomer can have the chance you had.

  • Alcoholism/addiction is a disease of loneliness and isolation; meetings overcome loneliness and isolation.

It is said, again and again, that the gazelle that is eaten is the one outside the herd or at the edge of the herd, not one in the middle of the herd.

The addict’s thinking can be so self-sabotaging, telling the person with the disease that they don’t have the disease, or that they no longer need meetings because they’ve got time, got the girl or the guy, got the house, or got professional success.

Once isolated and alone, there is a much greater chance that the disease, or the thinking that characterizes it, will convince the addict that they are well, they can have just a little, have just one, have a different mind-altering substance than the one which originally brought them to meetings.

…the shared experience and wisdom of the group has an opportunity to serve as a counter-balance to that delusional and self-destructive thinking.-JAY WESTBROOK

However, when that thinking occurs – and is shared at a meeting – the shared experience and wisdom of the group has an opportunity to serve as a counter-balance to that delusional and self-destructive thinking.

  • For many, God or a Higher Power is most visible and tangible at meetings.

On the one hand, in a world that seems as violent, unfair, and random as ours, where life is both brief and fragile, it can be difficult for some to maintain an awareness of and conscious contact with a Higher Power, let alone a faith in that Higher Power.

On the other hand, in a country with as much relative abundance and real opportunity as ours, the striving for and/or attainment of financial, professional, and romantic success may distract us from an awareness of and conscious contact with a Higher Power.

That being said, it is at meetings that we are least likely to be overwhelmed with doubt about a Higher Power, or so taken with ourselves that we commence to believe we are our own Higher Power. I always say, “if you have any doubt about the existence of a Higher Power, or of miracles, just look in our mirrors and our meetings, and there you will see both.”

  • Meetings provide the opportunity for connections of depth and weight.

Researchers are accumulating evidence to support a theory that substance abuse is caused by, more than anything else, either a lost sense of connection or never having been able to find a sense of connection. Meetings provide the perfect vehicle for establishing those connections and the sense of connectedness that grows from cultivating the relationships that occur as “a spiritual Fellowship springs up about us.”

[Meetings] provide the chance not only to get to know others, but to truly be known by others, and both are equally important to sobriety and a sense of being connected.-JAY WESTBROOK

They provide the chance not only to get to know others, but to truly be known by others, and both are equally important to sobriety and a sense of being connected.

There’s a great story about a young woman alcoholic in Vermont. She got sober in the middle of winter and went to morning meetings every day for her first year. After taking a one-year cake, she stopped going to meetings and stopped calling her sponsor, although she did not drink.

One night, she was sitting at home, in front of a roaring fire, when there was a knock at her door. It was her sponsor, who came in, hugged the woman, sat down and watched the fire, but never said a word.

After a few minutes, she arose and picked up the tongs. She lifted a piece of wood that was in the middle of the fire, glowing orange and giving off warmth, with flames dancing along its length. She set it to the side of the fireplace, and very quickly it turned from glowing orange to ashen gray, giving off no warmth, and with no flames dancing on it. The sponsor sat back down, continuing to silently watch the fire.

After a few more minutes, the sponsor stepped back to the hearth, lifted the cold ashen piece of wood, and set it back in the middle of the fire. Almost immediately, the wood commenced to glow, the ashen appearance gone, and flames danced along its length, and it gave off great warmth.

The sponsor slipped on her coat, and as she walked out the door, the sponsee said, “thank you so much for the fiery sermon, I’ll see you at the meeting in the morning.”

  • Meetings are instrumental in helping keep one sober and preventing relapse.

Again and again, people who relapse and then return to meetings, when asked what happened, say “I stopped going to meetings.” Meetings can provide that important opportunity to be of service, and that, in turn, can create both a sense of purpose and a sense of belonging.

Further, not just going to meetings, but going to the same meetings regularly, gives the alcoholic/addict a way to know others and to be known. And, being known takes away the ability to use the “F” word – not that “F” word, the other one: FINE (Feelings Inside Not Expressed).

Maybe the alcoholic/addict can convince themselves or even strangers that they are “fine,” but at a meeting where they are known, it will be easy for members of the meeting to spot problems that the FINE person is either trying to hide or is actually unaware of. “You don’t look fine; you look like you’re ready to burst into tears,” or “you look terrified and cornered,” or “you look like you’re lying – what’s going on?”

People don’t know what they don’t know, and regular attendance at meetings allows others to see and identify what the person in the midst of a situation may not be able to see or be willing to admit.

…attendance at meetings allows others to see and identify what the person in the midst of a situation may not be able to see or be willing to admit.-JAY WESTBROOK

Finally, it is only at meetings that the alcoholic/addict can consistently hear and share experience, hear and share tools, and hear that they are not alone, not the only one to ever deal with a given situation, and that getting loaded is not a solution. There’s no situation so good, that it can’t be destroyed by getting loaded; there’s no situation so bad, that it can’t be made worse by getting loaded.

Conclusion

Meetings are the place where joy is multiplied and pain divided, where whatever one might be going through – good or bad – another can be found who has previously navigated and survived that experience. Meetings are where a Higher Power is most likely to be found and experienced, and where alcoholics/addicts are right-sized, neither better than nor less than anyone else. They are the venue where one’s experience is valued, one’s aging is respected, one’s relapse is most likely to be prevented, and where the miracle of service is most easily practiced and received. Please, go to meetings; you are needed.