“When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away. From that moment on, I have not had a single compulsion to drink.” – BB Pg. 417
If I lose my focus on why I am here, in recovery, and what I am about, the insanity returns and then I will drink. I have to do everything in my power to change this before the insanity returns and I destroy myself.
Relapse doesn’t have to be a part of your recovery and I work hard everyday to do my best so as to prevent that. Others are not so fortunate. Some have the experience of being in and out of the program for years until they realized they could not have “just one” and decided to do whatever it took. I have seen alcoholics take the very courageous step of walking back through the doors of the AA hall and honestly admit they allowed their mind to Others become overconfident with their decades of sobriety and develop ideas that “they are cured, don’t ya know”.
I have listened to many of these tales and the one thing in common is they stopped attending AA meetings, stopped talking to other alcoholics, and put down the Big Book. In that case, you can not afford to beat yourself up. You never lose what you learned, the knowledge you gained during the length of sobriety you had. You simply lose the time, the date, your pride, and also your arrogance.
They still know what they have to do to stay sober and the most important thing they remembered was they had to walk back through the door. They might have tried to stay sober at home and found out that they eventually spread themselves too thin doing for everyone else and forgetting to put their recovery first. They forgot how much they needed the program to stay sober.
How do I find the solution? There are a lot of alcoholics who need the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, but you really have to want the program. It must be more important than anything else in your life. If I am not sober, I have nothing to offer anyone else. If I am sober, I can go to work. If I am sober, I can be a mother. If I am sober, I can be a wife.
If I am sober I can do a lot of things the right way, but it takes whatever it takes. It took every single drink I took to get me into sobriety and if I would have stopped one short, I wouldn’t have walked through those doors of AA and would not be sober today. I had to run out of good ideas. Sharing the pain with other alcoholics helps us to find a solution to our problems. Attending meetings allows us to learn things about ourselves and can help us to work an honest program.
If you give an alcoholic a fork in the road, he will always take the wrong choice.
I depend upon other alcoholics to show me what they did to stay sober 24 hours at a time. I pay attention to the people who have had success and try and follow in their footsteps, but I also pay attention to the alcoholics who walk in an out and around the program and try not to do what they do. I have to use everything the program offers to my benefit. I must use m
y successes and my failures if I am to stay on the path of recovery for the rest of my life. This is a process, a journey, not an event. Liv
ing as a recovering alcoholic and maintaining my sobriety through Alcoholics Anonymous and following the guide laid out before me in the Big Book is what I must do if I am to survive and today I want more than anything to be alive.
I feel extremely fortunate to have joined AA at 34 years old because I have many years left and those aremore summers I can spend sober. There will be many more Christmas’s and Birthday’s I can celebrate and remember. I look forward to the days, months, and years ahead of me, but I must always attend meetings and surround myself with other alcoholics to keep from slipping back into the paralyzing depression I suffered for so many years. I don’t want that pain again. I don’t ever want to have those regrets from my addiction. I refuse to go back to the lie I once had and strive everyday for something greater, something more than I could ever imagine. Let go of the show, stop being the boss, quit trying to manage everything and keep coming back.